The lifetime warranty, issued by you.

Manufacturers stopped writing these, so the paperwork moved to the owner's side of the counter. Name the thing you intend to keep. Print the certificate. Honor it.

covered object:

issued for (optional):

warrantyforlife.org · certificate of intent · no. 0000-000

Lifetime Warranty

This certifies that the object named above is covered, from this day forward, for the duration of one (1) human lifetime, namely the undersigned's.

Coverage. Cleaning, oiling, tightening, patching, re-soling, re-wiring, and being taken seriously.
Repairs. Performed or arranged by the undersigned. A repair is not a defect in this warranty. A repair is this warranty, working.
Exclusions. Boredom is not a malfunction. A newer model existing is not damage.
Transfer. Fully transferable to whoever inherits the object, along with the story of it.
Claims. Filed by using the thing. Approved automatically. There is no claims department; there is you, with a screwdriver.
Premium. Paid in maintenance, not money. Current balance: even.
Expiry. This warranty does not expire. It is survived by the object, which was the plan all along.

This certificate is legally worthless and practically priceless. Frame accordingly.

the undersigned, owner and underwriter

date of adoption

honored
by the
owner

A lifetime warranty used to be a boast manufacturers made about their work. It quietly became a joke, then a rounding error, then a checkbox that costs $4.99 at the register and covers nothing.

But the original mechanism still works. It just runs on the owner now: things last roughly as long as somebody intends them to. This certificate does not change the object. It changes the owner, which was always the part that decided.